i'm having an "i hate korea" week. it's always up and down, but yesterday i actually pulled out my contract to see if there's a way for me to get out of this. i also checked how much it would cost me to fly home. it's not an option at this juncture...
it's not that i really hate korea, i'm just so frustrated with all kinds of things. i'm straight back into culture shock phase 2 - the worst phase to be in.
phase one is the "honeymoon" phase. it's when you first arrive and everything is so new and wonderful. like when i discovered the plastic wrap for your umbrella when you walk into a store, or figured out that i liked kimchi after all, or realized that korea is full of really nice people, and that i would be ok.
phase two is when the honeymoon is over - you begin to realize that is really isn't so easy to adapt to a new culture, country, language, customs, people...etc... you begin to feel frustration over not being able to communicate, and the entire place feels like it's out to get you.
phase three is when you start to have a better understanding of the culture. things seem like thye'll be all right, you're happy again, and life is moving along smoothly.
phase four is when you realize there are good and bad things in the new culture, but you are ok with it and you feel a solid sense of belonging.
ya, phase two is the worst, and from my experience, there is a very fine line between two and three. i felt like i was in three, but now i'm back to two, and i just hate being there. my dork of a co-teacher is making me feel like crap over what happened, even though i know i shouldn't, he still hasn't spoken to me. that part doesn't really bother me much, but he's gone and thrown out all the good that i saw in this place.
last night, for instance, i was trying to get a cab and i saw one coming so i flagged it. well, it just sped right past me (no, there was no one else in it). i know that this can happen everywhere, but i was really angry - i never know if it's because i'm a foreigner or because the person is a dickhead. more and more i feel like korean aren't so nice to foreigners. they resent us for some reason, maybe we represent something they know they'll never have... maybe they're jealous because they can't speak english and wish they did... maybe they're just racist, or sexist in my case... i don't know, but so much of the time i feel like i have a huge target tattooed on my forehead... and i hate the feeling.
it hadn't been bothering me of late, and then bang! just like that this week i can't deal with it. i just want to scream and shout and swear at them all. i get dirty looks when i walk down the street, when i'm in stores, on the bus, everywhere i go. if i'm smoking it's even worse, but that's a whole other story.
i'm sure that i'll get through this. i'm stuck in my contract until at least march - that's the 6 month point when i don't have to pay back my airfare here, but will still get stuck footing the bill for the way home. i'm trying to stay positive, but it just isn't as easy as that.
i figure that regular school is only until december 27th, so that's like five weeks... then i won't have to work with my co-teacher again until mid-february, and maybe i can get a transfer if things don't improve. there are tons of other schools around, and like i said, march 1 is the six month mark and i can just break my contract and a) go home or b) get a job at a hakwon (while forfeiting my year-end bonus and having to wait another year for it, if i stay).
i'll just have to see how long it takes me to get back into phase three, hopefully it won't be long. right now it feels like never...
it's not that i really hate korea, i'm just so frustrated with all kinds of things. i'm straight back into culture shock phase 2 - the worst phase to be in.
phase one is the "honeymoon" phase. it's when you first arrive and everything is so new and wonderful. like when i discovered the plastic wrap for your umbrella when you walk into a store, or figured out that i liked kimchi after all, or realized that korea is full of really nice people, and that i would be ok.
phase two is when the honeymoon is over - you begin to realize that is really isn't so easy to adapt to a new culture, country, language, customs, people...etc... you begin to feel frustration over not being able to communicate, and the entire place feels like it's out to get you.
phase three is when you start to have a better understanding of the culture. things seem like thye'll be all right, you're happy again, and life is moving along smoothly.
phase four is when you realize there are good and bad things in the new culture, but you are ok with it and you feel a solid sense of belonging.
ya, phase two is the worst, and from my experience, there is a very fine line between two and three. i felt like i was in three, but now i'm back to two, and i just hate being there. my dork of a co-teacher is making me feel like crap over what happened, even though i know i shouldn't, he still hasn't spoken to me. that part doesn't really bother me much, but he's gone and thrown out all the good that i saw in this place.
last night, for instance, i was trying to get a cab and i saw one coming so i flagged it. well, it just sped right past me (no, there was no one else in it). i know that this can happen everywhere, but i was really angry - i never know if it's because i'm a foreigner or because the person is a dickhead. more and more i feel like korean aren't so nice to foreigners. they resent us for some reason, maybe we represent something they know they'll never have... maybe they're jealous because they can't speak english and wish they did... maybe they're just racist, or sexist in my case... i don't know, but so much of the time i feel like i have a huge target tattooed on my forehead... and i hate the feeling.
it hadn't been bothering me of late, and then bang! just like that this week i can't deal with it. i just want to scream and shout and swear at them all. i get dirty looks when i walk down the street, when i'm in stores, on the bus, everywhere i go. if i'm smoking it's even worse, but that's a whole other story.
i'm sure that i'll get through this. i'm stuck in my contract until at least march - that's the 6 month point when i don't have to pay back my airfare here, but will still get stuck footing the bill for the way home. i'm trying to stay positive, but it just isn't as easy as that.
i figure that regular school is only until december 27th, so that's like five weeks... then i won't have to work with my co-teacher again until mid-february, and maybe i can get a transfer if things don't improve. there are tons of other schools around, and like i said, march 1 is the six month mark and i can just break my contract and a) go home or b) get a job at a hakwon (while forfeiting my year-end bonus and having to wait another year for it, if i stay).
i'll just have to see how long it takes me to get back into phase three, hopefully it won't be long. right now it feels like never...
1 Comment:
Although my culture shock wasn't nearly as extreme as yours, I know what you mean about the ups and downs...but just remember it's all about the experience, hang in there and you'll be back in phase 3 in no time i'm sure! and keep using your blog to rant, it'll make you feel better (hopefully).
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