oh, heck...

I've done it again... left this far too long... At least I'm here?!

Not much to update... I sprained my knee two weeks ago. I wouldn't recommend it. It wasn't properly diagnosed at the A&E (Accident and Emergency) and so I guess I didn't take enough care with it... so went to the doctors this week and he told me it's sprained... hrm. It's feeling a million times better than when I did it... woke up to find it the size of a melon... but it still just feels really unstable and when I go up or down stairs I can hear and feel it 'click'... not a good sign, but getting better slowly... wish it would hurry up and get better though... especially since I'm off to Ukraine in four days!

Yes, I'm going to Ukraine! Not somewhere I would normally choose to go of my own volition, but kind of cool that I am... It's a work trip to cover the England vs. Ukraine world cup football match. It was booked before England were a shoe in, (which they are now) so it's more of a friendly than anything, but that's ok... think of all the beautiful footballers' I'll get to goggle at!!! And potentially meet... Becks just to name a biggie... anyway, it should be kind of fun... I will definitely post some pictures and write about it when I get back... that is a PROMISE.

knees are important.

I've been to hospital in three countries on three continents. Not something to be really proud about... but I'm what they call a "klutz".

Last Friday I went out to do an interview for work. Upon my return to the office I decided to take the stairs despite the 25 kilos of gear I was carrying. I always take the stairs and it's only one level...

On the first step I took, I slipped and fell forward. My knee cap cracked directly into the edge of the step. It hurt like a bitch. Being the strong person I am, I got up, thinking that not much more than my pride would be hurt, and besides, there were no witnesses. But it really hurt. I got up to my desk and sat down, almost in tears and my boss looked at me and asked if I was ok. "No," I replied, "I just broke my knee!!!"

After sitting for a half hour and being busy with work, I forgot about it, and it didn't really hurt much anymore so chalked it up to another "stupid Liz moment". I went out Friday night, Saturday I packed up for my flat move, Saturday night I went to a house party (where I was standing most of the night) and Sunday I finished packing... I didn't go the gym all weekend, but not because my knee hurt, but because I was being lazy, but it's a good thing I didn't.

I woke up Sunday night/Monday morning at around 4AM and couldn't get back to sleep because of the excruciating pain I was in. I couldn't move my leg, well, my knee. I don't think I've ever felt pain like that in my life, well, maybe when I herniated the disc in my back... (but that's pretty serious...) I thought it was really strange that it hadn't really hurt all weekend and then all of a sudden it was a 15 on 10.

I went to the hobble-in clinic in the morning and the doctor told me I should get x-rays, so I went Monday afternoon (there was work to be done in between). I got the x-rays and was told that (thankfully) nothing was broken and that I'd probably just bruised my knee cap. He told me that I probably should have been resting it over the weekend and that's why it started hurting all of a sudden...

This, in the week I'm moving and going on holiday to the cobblestone capital of the world! It's feeling a little better today but I'm still walking like a gimp and have to carry my ruck sack to work and then the airport tomorrow... I moved yesterday with the help of my lovely L, well, half moved, as it's all gone to her house. I'll be moving to my new flat when I get home from Greece on the 13th.

More than anything now, my calf and thigh muscles along with my hips are killing because of the gimpy way I've been walking. Whatevs, I'm off to Greece tomorrow, and nothing, not even a broken knee would have stopped me!

boo-ya!

I have always hated runners. You know, people who run, for fun. You see them on the street, all happy and running. There used to be a Running Room (retail store for runners) down the street from my house and they had a running club that you'd see going down the street with all their gear - special water bottles, the best shoes, and 'running room' t-shirts, ugh.

When I was in high school I would do anything to get out of gym class, ANYTHING. Especially if running was on the menu for that day. We had this giant field with four football fields and a track at one end, it was huge... to me anyway. Once a year we'd have a "fun run" where the whole school would turn out and run around it loads of time. I still don't know if it was to raise money or just for fun, but I hated it.

I think it's always been jealousy of those people that can run. They always looked so healthy and fresh; like they were really having a good time. A couple of months ago I decided (at the gym, which I go to five times a week) to give it a go. I started slowly; a couple of minutes running, a couple walking, a couple running... The first time I ran ten minutes straight I couldn't believe it. Today I ran for TWENTY FIVE minutes!!! without stopping, without losing my breath, without getting a cramp in my side, without any pain anywhere. And when I got off the treadmill I felt higher than a kite!

I'm really proud of myself this week. I've turned my life around in the last five years. I've made a real effort to be a different, better person, and I can see the results of much of that now. I've lost over 50 pounds in the last four years and I don't hate the runners anymore... I just want to be like them! I've pulled myself out of a life ordinary and made it something more.

I just wanted to let you all know that I am really happy and proud to be where I am today and I wish you could all be here with me to celebrate.

**
In other news: I have applied for my Ancestry visa - the one that will allow me to stay in the UK for five years. I have an appointment at the British High Commission in Ottawa on September 15th... so keep your calendar clear, cause I'll be around!

my worst nightmare

Anyone who has known me for any length of time (or has been reading this blog from the beginning) will know that I have a herniated disc in my back. My L4 vertebrae to be precise.

It went undiagnosed for many years, with doctors saying I was having severe muscle spasms every time it flared up. About a year and a half ago, my (amazing) doctor at Concordia finally sent me for a CT scan which confirmed her suspicions of the herniation. I won't go into details, since there are already lots on this blog (check here to find out more on herniated discs and what they are), but, needless to say, it is a constant worry in the back of my mind. As any medical problem should/would be.

After the diagnosis, where I spent about 4 weeks in bed, and another 4 recuperating - going to physiotherapy twice a week and doing small exercises hourly. I decided that I never wanted to have to go through that agony again - It is like having a large, sharp knife dug deep into your spine with someone twisting it around and around.

I was crazy about doing the exercises given to me by my physiotherapist and decided that the best way to avoid having to go through that pain ever again would be to lose weight and get fit. I haven't had another inflammation since then. I knew I was jinxing myself last month when I thought to myself that it had been SO long since my back had gone out... on thursday, the pain started. By 4 PM, I couldn't sit in my chair at work anymore.

I came home, took some muscle relaxants that were left over from the last time (and which I have trekked around the world with me) and lay down. By friday morning, I wasn't feeling any better, so I went to the hospital.

In the UK, everyone has to have a GP, but since I'm new here, and haven't gotten around to getting one (I have a registration appointment in two weeks) I had to go to the A&E (accident and emergency).

I first tried the closest "walk in centre" but they told me there wouldn't be a doctor until the afternoon and I'd be better off going to an emergency room at the hospital. So, armed with my CT scan and x-ray results, i made the trek to the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead.

I had to wait about an hour before being called in to see the doctor (who, I think was younger than me). I gave him a run-down of my history and my symptoms and told him I should probably be seeing my GP but that since I don't have one, I had no choice but to come to A&E.

He prescribed me diazepam (that's what they use here for muscle spasms, in Canada I always got flexeril) and a codeine based pain killer. Then he told me to follow up with a GP, get to a physiotherapist ASAP and sent me on my way.

All in all, my first medical experience in the UK was all right. It was better than the time I went to hospital in Korea (see here) and faster than any visit I've ever had to ER in Canada. It only cost me 9£ for the prescription too, which is WAY less than Canada and certainly less than it cost me to get stitches in Korea.

A day later and about 18 hours of sleep and I'm actually feeling quite a bit better. This episode has brought home (again) that my worst nightmare (my back going out like it did in 2006) is an ever-present reality and that scares me.

Back and Forth

This seems to be a theme in my life right now. I'm back in Otterburn - the cats at my (wonderful) friends' house were just too much for my immune system - and I'll be here until I leave in 36 days.

Which brings me to the other "back and forth" part of my life - moving to London. I keep thinking how things would be so much easier if I just stayed here and then I think that I would regret not going (possibly for the rest of my life)... What's a girl to do? No one can make the decision for me, but sometimes I wish there were someone to just tell me what to do. Not that I'd likely listen to them if there was!

So here is a pros and cons list to staying and leaving.

Pros to staying:

• I could set myself up in a nice apartment for WAY less.
• I would be close to my friends and family.

Cons to staying:

• I would always wonder "what if..."
• Finding a job in my field is more difficult here.
• I could get "comfortable" and forget about my dreams of seeing the world.

Pros to leaving:

• I'd get to live in one of the biggest most exciting cities in the world.
• I would never wonder "what if..."
• I can always just come back and settle if I want.
• My visa and flight cost me about $1000.
• I'd be fulfilling a life-long dream.

Cons to leaving:

• My money will be gone the instant I land.
• I will be in a foreign country (again) with no (real) support network.

I guess that I should go... I know that I will, it's just that when you have to wait so long to something so "crazy" you tend to start to wonder why you thought of doing it in the first place. I felt the same way for a few weeks (and especially days) before leaving for Korea, so I know this is part of the process... I just can't help thinking about it.

In other news...
My "cold" developed into something more fierce, but being away from the cats for a couple of days is helping. I hope to be 100% better in a few days.

My new "job" had no hours for me this week. Ya, that's right. I had to log in to a website today to choose my hours for next week and am now waiting on approval. I hope that I get something next week... if not I'm not sure what I'll do for money... though I am awaiting my tax returns...

the guy down the street

a few months ago i was enjoying a peaceful afternoon in my apartment. i may have been reading, or watching lost, or some such activity. it was winter. it was cold out.

all of a sudden i heard a voice - no, not in my head - outside my building (so much for good insulation!). i figured it was someone getting in their car or just passing by. the voice didn't go away though. after about twenty minutes i popped my head out the window to see what the raucous was.

there was a guy standing in the alley one building over, yelling at nothing. i'm not a stranger to mental illness, i'm sure everyone knows someone who has dealt with mental illness... so i shrugged and went back to my book. a while later i heard a different voice yelling something in korean and then the guy stopped and went inside.

this has been a scenario that has occurred many times since then. i'm writing about it, cause it's happening right now. even though it's raining, he's out there - with an umbrella - yelling at the plants, or talking to the crowds of adoring fans, i'm not sure, but i wonder what he must be seeing there. who could he be talking to? what's going on in his head?

even more than that, i wonder who is supposed to be caring for this man? why would someone let him stand in the rain (even with an umbrella?) and talk to the alleyway. korea is a very closed society and you don't often see this side of it. for example, i've only seen one kid with downs syndrome in almost ten months. i think that most mentally or physically ill koreans are sent to live in institutions. at least this guy has someone who cares enough to let him live at home.

he's still going, no one has stopped him yet, like they usually do. i hope he goes in soon though, or he might get sick standing in the rain... if only i spoke korean.

happy may day

four months to go! i know that sounds pessimistic, but i know it's going to fly by just as quickly as the last eight have. today was labour day in korea, as it was in many countries around the world. being canadian, i have always celebrated labour day on the first monday in september and until today didn't know that it's may 1st in almost every other country in the world (barring the US). however, since i am not a "labourer" i didn't get the day off. that was the weird part for me, since in canada it's a day for everyone, not just "labourers". oh well... it was a pretty chill day anyway...

the students are all taking their mid-term exams so there isn't anything for me to do. which is nice because it meant that i spent the morning sleeping in the "rest room" at school and then was allowed to leave at lunch time. so i guess i got my labour day after all! it's just so weird that i still have to go in, even if i spend the whole time sleeping. why not just let me do that at home? anyway, tomorrow will be the same as today (and yesterday) except that i have to teach one class in the afternoon - at work from 8:30 to 4:30 and my only class is from 2:35 to 3:20! ridiculous. anway, like i said only four months and of those, i only have 12 weeks of actual teaching left... it'll fly by.

i went back to the doctor today since i haven't really been getting any better. he gave me 5 days of antibiotics. this is probably why i keep getting more sick, he only wanted to give three days and i told him it wsan't enough - i've pobably developed some kind of antibiotic resistance... who knows if i even need the stupid pills. i think it's all just allergies gone crazy and now that i've gotten some flonase and an inhaler that i'll be better in no time. i hope so anyway, i'm really sick of being sick!

that's my update. there hasn't been anything particularly interesting to write about of late, so sorry if this is kind of boring... promise loads of good reading after my trip to japan this week! so stay tuned!!!

to the doctor we go again...

went to the doctors today since i've been feeling like crap for the past five days. my chest has been tight, my nose running like a race horse, and i was having trouble breathing. turns out that the asian dust has affected me more than thought... at least that's what the doc said. i have mild asthma and allergies to the air - that's why i feel like crap all the time.

so he prescribed me an inhaler and some pills (not sure what those are). i looked up the inhaler online before using it and it seems ok. the same thing i'd get if this were happening back home. so yay! ummm...ya. anyway, the good news is that i'll hopefully be feeling better soon... the bad news is that i really am allergic to korea... just like that very first doctor told me in september! i'll either have to limit the amount of time i spend outside or get one of those face masks like the locals... think i'll feel pretty stupid wearing one, but if it's going to help... then it might just be the only option. i am certainly not going to stop going outside! so, coming soon, pics of me "going native" - i promise!

off to immigration in the morning so keep those fingers crossed there are no problems!

i am losing my face!

for the last month and a half i have been working on losing weight. this is a lifestyle change more than a diet, and it's working. i have lost just over twelve pounds - which is a healthy rate. but more than losing that i have apparently "lost my face" - this according to a bunch of various koreans.

the first time i heard this was back when i first arrived in korea. i wasn't well. i wasn't eating and i guess i was probably a little depressed, so i lost a couple of pounds. one day i walked into school and one of the teachers who sat across from me said, "you have lost your face." i didn't get it at first and she had to try and explain that it looked like i had lost some weight. that was an interesting conversation! i didn't quite believe her, but then my pants were too loose. i started to gain back what i had lost (unhealthily ?is that a word?) so decided to give getting healthy and thin a real shot... so now that i've been at it for six weeks, it's nice to hear that i've lost my face, since that's what i'm going for!

anyway, just thought i'd share that with you all, since i find it a hilarious saying. i've heard this from about five or six different koreans, so it must be a direct translation of some korean saying... lost your face... ha! not to mention the correlation with "losing" or "saving" face that is such a big deal here... they do everything they can to save face and i'm losing mine!

**
on another note, i have another freaking cold! what is up with this country and the germs??? i'm sure it's all the contact with kids... who knows how often they wash their hands? at least i have a light week this week... only three days at school #1... school #2 has exams and then the school birthday - both of which i have been told that i need not attend! thank you! and it'll be the same the week after... only three days! i'm going to Japan for the weekend!

the trip you don't want to make...

one of my stitches has been consumed by my skin... that might be a problem when they take it out. stupid doctor.

i guess i still haven't actually written about the hospital... according to one of my students korean hospitals are either "really good" or "really bad". i guess i ended up in one of the latter. oh well, lesson learned, right? but really, when it's a emergency do you have choice?

the hospital was kind of dark inside when we got there. it wasn't even 7 PM so i'm not sure why it was so dark... the lights may have been turned off or simply insufficient, i'm not sure. i walked up to the counter and there was a young man. he didn't speak any english, so it's a good thing i had the korean man with me... even though he didn't speak english either. at least they could communicate together and the korean man knew what was wrong with me, so he explained. they wanted my passport, which i didn't think to bring, but he was relieved when i handed him my health card. (which isn't really a card, but a peice of paper).

they brought me around a corner, down a short hallway, and through some doors into the "emergency" area. a couple of nurses were standing behind a counter. i showed them my hand and made a stabbing gesture. one of them came from behind the counter and pulled me toward a gurny. "sit down" at least there was some english. the gurny was covered in that brown fake leather that so many couches are upholstered with. no sheet. no giant roll of paper. nothing. just the brown fake leather that has probably seen thousands of other patients. ew.

i sat holding my hand and looking at the floor. it had spots and splotches of dried blood all over the area that i was in. ew. i couldn't beleive it. but i knew at that moment that i wasn't "in kansas" anymore... and that i had to watch carefully to make sure the proper hygenic precautions would be taken with me. the nurse came over and took my blood pressure, making sure to ask me "mensa?" what has my period got to do with anything? but she wanted to know when i had last had it. i told her.

a couple of minutes later a man came over to me, i'm not sure if he was a doctor, nurse or orderly, but he grabbed my hand, opened the wound (which by this point had stopped bleeding) and walked away. a nurse came over and started putting all kinds of things on various trays. she looked at me and told me to lie down. i started to, but she pointed at my feet and said "shoes". (what IS it with the shoes???) so i took them off and laid back but still watched her to make sure the utensils, needles, etc... were coming out of sterile packs. they were. thank god!

a few minutes later another man - the doctor i assume since he stitched me up - came over. he didn't even look at me, let alone say anything to me. he grabbed my hand. i looked away. the next thing i knew i was experiencing more pain than i had when i stabbed myself. he was anesthetizing my hand to give me the stitches, but it felt (again, i wasn't looking - not good with stuff like that) like he had jabbed the needle straight into the wound. it must have sounded like every emergency room horror story, because i was screaming like freddy kruger was after me. i've heard people scream in situations like that, but never imagined i'd be one of them. it hurt. a lot. anyway, finally, or thankfully, my hand went numb, and he started stitching me up. he didn't ask first if it was frozen, just started stitching. i guess he didn't care either way, or maybe he knew.

i could feel the stitches going in because they were pulling on my hand. it kept moving involuntarily and the doctor was getting visibly aggravated by it, but still said nothing. a few minutes later it was over and he just walked away, never speaking a single word, or looking me in the face. way to make a foreigner feel better in a bad situation. the nurse told me to make sure and not get it wet for TWO weeks. "what?" i said. i didn't beleive her and i know it's total crap, but i made sure there wasn't a communication problem and counted out fourteen days on my fingers. she nodded. what a load of bull. then i was alone on the fake leather gurney.

no one told me to stay or what to do, so i got up to look for the korean who drove me. i couldn't find him. i didn't know what to do. was i supposed to pay? there was a sign that said "cashier" but no one had given me a bill. i wandered around the reception for a bit wondering what i should do. the nurse came up to me and gave me some papers, one of which was the bill, the other a prescription for i-didn't-know-what. (painkillers) i paid the bill without hassle, and looked around again for the korean who drove me. i didn't think it was possible that he would just leave without me, but his car was gone.

i walked out the back door and into the pharmacy across the street. the korean man found me there... he hadn't left after all. i filled the prescription, picked up some gauze, and then the korena man drove me home. i finally ate my dinner - it was half cooked when everything started - and the rest as they say...

the thing that bothered me the most was not the blood on the floor, or the pain of the needle, but that the doctor didn't even look at me. fine, if you don't speak english, but everyone (in my experience) can at least say hello. every other doctor i've seen since in korea has had some grasp of english... you'd think that a person in medicine would have picked up a little somewhere... so i can't imagine that he didn't look at me because he was shy of his english, so then what was it? bad bedside manner? a hate-on for foreigners? i don't know... either way, it made the experience a lot worse than it had to be... now i have the fun task of finding a way to get the bloody things out of me! and with one of them grown over, that is sure to be another exciting tale.

Easter Sunday at a Buddhist Temple

well, darn it if i didn't go to church this easter! they may not have been celebrating easter but it was holy ground nonetheless! i was supposed to hike up the mountain with kiwi Dave (these are the dave's i know, i know, these are the dave's i know ;) ...) but i just wasn't up to the task. we were already up there when i realized i wouldn't make it to the top, so we went to Dongrim Temple instead. there are actually three or four temples on Sineo Mountain (the one next to my house that i'm always going up). i went to dongrim once before but my batteries died when i got there so i didn't actually look around, but i had the opportunity to get a good look yesterday.

125 steps to the landing, another thirty or so after that... gotta work to get to the temple!

me and the giant bell. they have these at all temples.

detail at the top of the bell. isn't the painting gorgeous?

the giant Buddha at dongrimsa. (sa is korean for temple)

part of a chandelier that i found in the back of the main building at dongrim - i guess they got new ones!

one of many "little" buddha's. (well, they were about my height...)

at dongrim we could hear chanting coming from the forest so we followed the sound. what we came upon was a sort of rest area with parking and a map of the mountain. there was a guy offering help and suggested we go to the next temple up - Eunhasa - which is where i thought we had just been... so we headed further up the mountain. there were tons of koreans out in their hiking garb - which is hilarious because half of them just drive up then walk a half a kilometer on the road... this is hiking in korea!!!

anyway it only took about five minutes to get to Eunhasa. i found out that it's one of, if not the, oldest temple in the area, hailing from the time of king suro. the chanting that we heard was coming from there. they had loud speakers set in the trees broadcasting the ceremony that was going on indoors. we didn't go in as we were unsure of the procedure or etiquette of it all, but the chanting was quite beautiful.

the steps up to eunhasa.

offerings left at the temple.

the bell (in the background) at eunhasa.

some of the "hiking" koreans at eunhasa - they were posing for their friends, so i took advantage...

i took 130 photos yesterday... i could've taken more, but dave was giving me funny looks the whole time! (thanks dave!) he doesn't even OWN a camera!!! some people just don't understand... see the name of my blog? anyway... it was a nice day - a three hour hike/walk in the mountain and seeing another bit of korea... i only have four and half months to get it all in.

stay tuned for the story of my trip to the hospital last week for stitches... like i said, not a trip that anyone wants to make. the hand, btw, is healing nicely, i think it is anyway... i can type a lot easier now... but it still looks a little gross. wanna see? WARNING: the following pictures might be kind of gross for some of you! (but i know you'll look anyway!)
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the day after it happened.

today - the swelling has gone down considerably.

ciao!

the hand...

i can't beleive how much i wrote yesterday. with one hand typing is a real pain... so this will be short. the stitches don't look too bad. i think he could've put another one, but there are only four. my hand is swollen and aching. it hurts to move my forefinger and middle fingers. but i'll survive...as long as they cleaned it properly and i don't get gangrene or something! knock on wood. i bought some alcohol swabs and gauze to clean and dress it myself. so far so good. the pills they gave mee made me feel pretty loopy and tired all day which made for difficult teaching, thank god for nice co-teachers. anyway, this weekend seems like a wash because of the stupid hand... was supposed to go feed the sharks at the busan aquarium... but that won't happen now. i'll get there eventually, i hope. i was going to post a picture of the stitches, but i'll spare you... unless you want to see... let me know. have a good one.

drama...drama...drama...

no, i'm not leaving teaching for acting... there was a little drama here this evening.

i was making dinner - a yummy "mexican" stir-fry (chicken, peppers, onion, cilantro, lemon juice, pepper). i was going to put it on one of my three tortillas that i still have in my freezer with some salsa and avocado. mmmm.... yummy, right? of course!

everything was done and i was prepping the avocado. 1. cut in half. 2. remove pit. this is where the drama comes in... you know how to remove the pit? stick a knife in it and pull it out of the half that it's stuck in, right? that's how i was taught anyway. so the problem was when the knife went straight through the avocado instead of into the pit... what was on the other side of the avocado? that's right, my hand.

i saw it happen before i felt it. it actually took a couple of seconds to hit me. i'm not a squeamish person and i tend to remain quite calm during emergency situations; this was no exception. i quickly put my hand under running water and applied pressure. a few seconds later i peeked at it. i knew right away that i would need stitches. the knife didn't just cut me, it stabbed me and it looked really deep... so i grabbed a massive wad of paper towel and held it there. i figured if the bleeding stopped within 5 minutes that it might be ok. well, it wasn't.

i grabbed my purse and left thhe house. thank god the realtor for the building was in the hallway. he doesn't speak english at all but i justt kept saying doctor and pointing at the bloody paper towel. he got his car and drove me to the hospital - a place i do not recommend visiting for ant kind of major surgery (more on that when i'm not typing with one hand). thank god he was there though, i don't know what i would have done if he weren't.

anyway, i've got i don't know how many stitches, since i didn't look and now my hand looks like this:

i have to change the dressing tomorrow, and i got some pills... not sure what they are so will ask at school before i take them... anyway... just my luck, isn't it? finally getting over whatever has been plaguing me for the last three weeks, and the laryngitis, and now, this. wish me luck taking a shower and doing the dishes... the nurse said no water can touch it for two weeks... i think that's a load of bull though... but won't be easy for at least a couple of days... here's to a healthier life! ha!

it's only tuesday

all day the one thought that continued to run through my head was that it is only tuesday. for some reason i felt like it was at least wednesday... but no... my first five class day of the week and it went on forever.

my first two classes of the day were great - well-behaved, attentive, and smart. i had third period off and went for a little walk. fourth class was pretty bad. they kept pretending like they didn't know anything - i don't know if they just don't understand me, or if they just really don't know the answers, but we're doing some pretty basic stuff that other classes already had a great handle on. anyway, it wasn't the best... but it wasn't the worst.

my lunch break was destroyed by a "meeting" of some group that i'm a member of just because of where i sit in the office. of course, no one speaks english, so the conversation was lost on me for over an hour. not to mention that i couldn't eat most of what was available at the restaurant. i managed to eat some fish and brocolli and a little soup, but when the main part of the meal is rice, i'm screwed. it did nothing to put in a good mood. i've taken to going for a twenty minute walk at lunch as well, it gets my blood flowing, gives me some time away from all the korean and the kids - but today there was no walk - which put me in an even worse mood. we got back to school four minutes before class started - not even enough time to check email, let alone gain some composure - and i still had two classes to go.

i have made it very clear to all of my classes that they have to be in their teams and ready to go when i arrive. since i go to each class, they have plenty of time to get ready for me, but of course they weren't. no skin off my back, right? they'll just lose a sticker. but i expect them to at least settle down once i arrive. but no. they just kept on acting like the crazy little monsters they are. my korean "co-teacher" didn't do anything to make matters better. she did nothing, actually. i have specific instructions from the doctor to use my voice as little as possible... yet, i had already taught three classes that day. i wasn't feeling great. she was still under the impression that i just have a "sore" throat and not a serious throat infection. anyway, she didn't do anything to calm the class down and i had to take control.

one girl wouldn't stop chatting with her friend so i sent her to the back of class to stand with her hands in the air. that didn't deter any of them. i asked them a simple question - "what are the days of the week?" they are in first grade middle school - this is easy stuff that they learned a long time ago - we were doing a refresher. but not a single one of them answered. they just kept on chatting with eachother in kroean and fooling around. so i stopped the lesson. i told them if they didn't want to learn, then we could do something else - and then had the entire class raise their hands above their heads. a few minutes later i asked them what they liked better... learning english or being punished. of course they said learning, so we continued the lesson (hands down). i re-asked them for the days of the week and got all the answers in seconds... so what was wrong the first time around? anyway, i eventually had to make one of the teams stand up and raise their hands - about ten minutes to the end of class. and they stayed that way til the end. i need them to know that i'm serious and they need to give me the respect that they would their korean teachers... this is an on-going theme, is it not?

anyway, it was a really bad class, my throat was killing me, but sixth period made up for it. i was still with the same co-teacher, but now she was mad at me because i punished the previous class! WTF??? anyway, sixth went really well, then my co-teacher (not the good one) says, "we need to have a meeting about that class."

so what does she tell me? that she thinks i shouldn't punish them at all and that i was wrong and she's very angry about it. well, what does she expect, i say. she's the one who is supposed to be dealing out the punishments and keeping them in line... so where was she when i needed her? not to mention that i shouldn't even be speaking and that i didn't get a lunch break, and that i always do everything for all the classes, when i'm supposed to be assisting... not creating lesson plans and doing it all on my own. she was speechless - almost - finally after ten minutes of her trying to make me feel bad for punishing the rotten buggers, she decides to try and make me feel bad about being sick and her going to class without me yesterday! will it NEVER end with that? like i'm making myself sick on purpose. what does she think i am a middle school student? so then i get pissed and tell her that there is no way i'm having this conversation with her, that i don't need to justify my illness to her and that if she felt so rotten yesterday then why did she insist that i stay behind and rest. i offered several times yesterday to go to class anyway, and she always said no... don't come back a day later and try to make me feel bad about it. argh! anyway, sorry this is such a rant... i just really need to vent somewhere, and where better than here?

i just hope she gets over it and doesn't give me any more trouble... i teach more than half my classes with her... but i've been at the school longer than her, and she doesn't know me at all. she hasn't even tried to get to know me. hasn't asked me a single question about myself or anything... so who's really got the problem? i think she just doesn't like me cause i speak english and hers sucks and i make her realize that... anyway, will update with more as it becomes available... probably tomorrow... for now, have a great tuesday...

because i LOOOOOVE laryngitis SO much!

i can't believe it.

as you probably know i have laryngitis. i spent the weekend (for the most part) resting my voice and taking care of my throat. but today it was still bad, and the doctor told me on friday to go back today regardless... so i did. he said that it's looking a little better, but that i need to continue to rest my voice and take more medication until it's better. when i told him i'm a teacher and i can't rest my voice he looked worried. so did i. i was sure that the school doesn't really believe that i'm sick, they think i just have a sore throat and that i'm making a big deal about it. so i got the doctor to write me note. i figured this would at least legitimize my not being able to talk in class.

well, of course not. this is korea where people get sick for three hours and then are better again. does no one in this country realize that my body is different from theirs? physiologically asians and caucasions have different reactions to different things, and i'm no exception - their drugs don't work on me. so after i returned to school with the note and told Jo she acted like it was all ok since it would (hopefully) be a few days... then she went to tell the other teachers that i work with and they were all angry that i was sick.

"can't you think of something to do in class where you don't need your voice?" she asked me.
ya, cause keeping my mouth shut keeps them in line. that's for sure. wtf? she started getting all "well you know how it makes us feel?" to which i said no because she hadn't told me. and then she starts going on about how all teachers get sore throats, and it's normal and there isn't really anything wrong with me... and can't i just go to class like normal?

basically i've been teaching their classes for them for the last six months and now i can't talk they can't return the favour! this is called "co-teaching" for a reason! it's not "let the foreigner do everything." i already make all the lesson plans, and then follow through in class, they never do anything - even discipline, which i found out i should not be doing at all! ie. no other foreign teachers have to do it, their koreans do it for them. so what's up with my school? and they have to make me feel guilty about having a throat infection that i couldn't have prevented! what if i broke my leg? or got hit by a car? what would they do then? bring the kids down to the hospital for their lesson? it's not like i'm saying that i'll stay home all day, i offered to go to class and be there, but that i can't project my voice or talk for long periods of time. of course, while i'm telling her all of this my voice is cracking and my throat is aching and she STILL can't see that this is real?? i'm just pissed off. all a person wants sometimes is a little understanding and compassion - two things that don't exist in korea... and they wonder why i'm not staying for another year.

anyway, hopefully this stupid laryngitis will go away and things can go back to normal... maybe i'll tell them all about how other foreign teachers only teach for half the class... see how they like that... god! find something where i don't need my voice... ya... right.

smog or fog? (or that pesky yellow sand...)

i wish i knew the answer. there were a lot more koreans wearing face masks today... something you see on a regular basis, but it seemed like almost everyone had one today. here is a 'before' picture from the roof of my building:

and here is what it looks like today:
i like to think that it's fog... but i can't be sure. maybe this is the asian dust finally raining down on us. these definitely aren't storm clouds as there is no rain, and doesn't feel like it will rain. it's actually quite warm out. kind of scary to think about what i'm breathing in...

just had a call from a friend, and she says someone else told her it's the dust. and looking out my window i can see a buildup of it on the window... don't know how i'm going to manage to clean that off... i hope it rains! anyway, here are a couple more pics of my walk through the park today:

the colour seems a little off because of the colour of the sky... but i didn't adjust it so that you could see it... anyway, guess i'll stay indoors for the rest of the day to avoid breathing in the crap as much as possible! maybe i should pick up one of those masks... ;)

korea in bloom... and a laryngoscopy

as promised yesterday i took some pictures on my way to school this morning of the cherry blossom trees (i think that's what they are) that i walk by every day... they didn't look like this two days ago... i'm sure of it! and the photos don't really do them justice. i'll try to get out this afternoon or this weekend and get some better shots.

it kind of reminds me of the trees covered in ice in winter... but it's not cold out!!!

a close-up in one of the trees

this one branch caught my eye... the tree itself looks like it's waiting for death, but this one branch just won't give up! beautiful!

Now on to more gross things. as you may or may not know, i've been sick off and on for the last two weeks (or more). for the last week my throat has been particularly sore, but just thought it was the yellow sand of china irritating it. this morning, however, i woke up at about 5am with the sorest throat i've had in ages and i could feel that it was swollen - much like in fall when i had tonsillitis. so, i figured i should go to the doctor. a friend of mine here has tonsillitis, which is highly contagious, and i thought i'd caught it from him.

i walked to school as usual, figuring i could do the two classes no problem, i'd just have to talk really quietly. when i got to class the kids in the back couldn't hear me so my co-teacher took over. the second class i spent resting in the "resting room"... the other co-teacher i work with told me not to bother coming to class that she could take care of everything.

so after school was over (thank god for the science thing that let me out early today) i walked to the ear-nose-throat guy i saw last fall. he speaks better english than any other doctor i've been to here and he's a specialist in what is wrong with me.

i didn't have to wait more than two minutes, (what a difference from canada) before being shown into the office. he looked down my throat with a light and told me that my pharynx looked fine, as did my tonsils. he wanted to get a good look at my larynx (deep down in your throat - it's your voicebox). so i had to lean forward, stick out my tongue and breathe through my mouth. he tried to stick this long pole with a light and camera on the end down my throat... i gagged. he stopped and tried again. i gagged. then he suggested spraying a local anasthetic to relax my throat. i said try one more time... so he did, and i gagged.

finally he sprayed my throat - which was actually really nice cause it lessened the pain - with anasthetic and i waited a bout five minutes. we went through the same procedure as before and he managed to get it down there. then he told me to make a high pitched squeel, well i tried, but all i could do was kind of groan! finally i gagged again and he stopped saying he'd gotten enough pictures to make a diagnosis.

he was really great. he showed me pictures of a healthy throat, a slightly infected throat, a really infected throat, and then the ones of me. this was really cool, cause how often do you get to see inside your own body? anyway, i could tell the second he pulled mine up that it was pretty bad - see for yourself:

see the dark red? that's supposed to be really light pink.

see the two sort of balls deep down there? those are the mucous membranes of my voicebox, you aren't really supposed to see them... they're totally inflamed. anyway, that's a little gross eh? sorry for the squeamish out there!

so, i have laryngitis. i'm not allowed to talk (or supposed to talk as little as possible) i have pills up the wazoo to take after every meal for the next three days... i don't feel sick really except that my throat hurts. i mean, i'm not excessively tired or achey, or anything else... so this really sucks! and of course, it's right in time for the weekend! what's a girl to do? anyway, hopefully it'll start feeling better and it won't ruin my weekend too much. guess i should carry a pen and notepad around with me!

not so angelic... or maybe...

well, the kids today weren't as angelic as i remembered them, but they were definitely better than school #1. it was a long day with five classes, but at least they aren't in a row - that's friday. BUT tomorrow i get a break! there is some science fair going on and the kids have to prepare for it, so there are no regular classes after second period. to make things even better, my weekend gets to start as soon as i'm done class!!! that's right! for the first time since arriving someone at my school is giving me a break and letting me leave early! yay! (i'll still keep my fingers crossed while i sleep tonight!)

in other news, i'm still going to the gym six days a week. i've lost a total of 5.3 pounds in three weeks! did i mention that i joined weight watchers online? i don't think that i did, but having it out there makes me more accountable for it. as an online buddy of mine said, "they're only numbers and they only have the power of shame we give them." so, i'm not giving them any! it's a positive life change that i'm making... no matter how i'm going about doing it. i'm proud of myself for wanting to change... it isn't easy, but if i can move to korea on my own and survive, then i can do anything! i know it works since i sort of followed the program a couple of years ago and lost about 20 pounds, which have never come back... but i got lazy with it. it became increasingly difficult for me to follow it while i was in school and i ended up just giving up. i learned a lot about health and nutrition during that time. those things are still with me, and that i used every day before and didn't gain anything, but now i'm ready to be a loser! (i know, i already am one!!! LOL haha... ;) but seriously, it's time for a change and when i go to thailand this summer i want to look incredible! and i will.

on that note, have a good one! coming soon, korea in bloom! i looked up today for the first time in a while and noticed that the trees in gimhae are covered in flowers! i'll take some pics and post 'em soon!

...whimper...

i went to school today. i didn't go in yesterday because i just couldn't get up. exhausted, weary, and still slightly congested with a low grade headache that just lingers. i could have gone back to the doctor, but korean doctors never seem to beleive that there's anything wrong with me. so, i went to school. it was a long day. i told all of my classes that i was sick and wasn't feeling well, so please be on your best behaviour today, and most of them were. if they started acting up i just sighed really loudly, closed my eyes, rubbed my forehead, and waited for them to settle down on their own. it worked for the most part. a couple of time my co-teacher had to get them to quiet down, especially since there is no way i can raise my voice at present.

i'm just worried about tomorrow. five classes. i know to some of you it doesn't sound like much, but it is when there are forty students in each one of them. 40x5=200 students to control. it's not easy at the best of times, but when you feel like crap it's a million times worse. so, i'm not going out for 'mini weekend' tonight... but hopefully i'll be feeling well enough to do a little socializing on the actual weekend as i'm missing my friends and just being out with other waegooks... oh to speak english to an english speaker... sorry this is such a lame post.

what a way to celebrate my 200th post

i came home from work early today. i've been feeling like i'm coming down with something for a few days, but chalked it up to having to use my "loud voice" at school so much. but today i felt like i had a fever, my throat was aching, my ears were ringing and sore, and i was exhausted. so i came home at lunch, after napping through fourth period.

when i got home i felt sort of ok, but i went straight to bed anyway. i napped for a few hours and now i feel really disoriented and groggy... lethargic and off-balance... i don't have a fever, my throat isn't really sore now, and my ears are okay, if only a little sensitive. i'm not sure what's wrong with me. maybe i have allergies? i'm not sure. i only started getting seasonal allergies a couple of years ago and every year i forget about them...but maybe they're back? i wish i had some allegra so i could take it and see if it helps... oh well.

while i was napping this afternoon i had the craziest dream.

i was living in the same apartment in gimhae. everyone was going out to this new bar that was only a couple of blocks away from my house. which was awesome. when i got there there were all these foreigners i didn't actually know, but they all knew me. we sat down and then out of nowhere this buffet appeared across the room so we all went to it. my dad was sitting in the corner (as he was the owner) and he was taking plates of meat from people to barbecue. after a while i realized i didn't have my purse anymore and thought i'd just run home to get it.

as i was leaving the bar all these people i knew in high school were walking in the door. so they dragged me back inside. some of them were people i never want/ed to see again. it was so strange because the biggest ass of high school was there, he had grey hair and he was being so nice to me. a little while later i realized that i still didn't have my purse so i went to leave again and when i did all these people from my old work (at the bank) walked in. i barely recognized them at first, but then was hugging them amazed that they were in korea. i told them i was just running home and i'd be right back.

when i was walking down the stairs to the outside more people i know from orientation in august showed up. i told them i'd only be a few minutes. i finally got outside and i saw this woman debi and said, hey why don't you come check out my apartment with me? but she couldn't cause she was sitting with this other woman from orientation who had been kicked in the head by a ten-year-old coming out of taekwondo. as i walked away i saw the kid was still kicking the air frantically in her direction.

when i got to my street (it was night, but i checked the time -in my dream- and it was 10:39PM) it was all under construction, right in front of my building (which was on the wrong side of the street). i found a man (maybe a foreman) to ask if i could get to my apartment. he spoke perfect english, and said okay but was really annoyed that he'd have to take me there (half a block). as soon as we headed to my building all the street lights and the lights the workers were using were cut off and i couldn't see a thing. the foreman brought me to the door of building, but when i walked in i realized it was the wrong one.

we went next door to the right building and i started walking up the stairs, which were covered in this lush red carpet. there were two foreign guys stapling plastic to them to cover them from the dust of the construction going on inside the building (hey when they're doing the street, why no do inside too?). since i'd never seen them before i tried talking to them, but they only talked in riddles and i had no idea what they were saying. so i moved on. i got all the way to the fourth floor when i realized i live on the third, but my apartment wasn't there. the numbers skipped over 301. so i went back down, thinking that all this construction might have caused a second stairwell to be built. it took me a while to find another stairwell and it was just freshly painted (white) - i know cause i got some on my black fleece jacket.

the stairs were really narrow but i finally got to my apartment. when i got in the door i saw that the size had doubled! i had TWO rooms and all kinds of new furniture, but it had all just been thrown in and the place was a mess. i started frantically searching for my purse (since the foreman was waiting to take me back through the construction zone). after all, it had already taken me forever just to find the apartment! i coldn't find it anywhere, so right before leaving i checked in the least likely place - the fridge. it wasn't my fridge, it was much smaller, and after opening it, i could get it to close again. the door kept jamming, but there was nothing to jam it on. i woke up while trying to close it.

am i crazy? what a dream! i don't usually remember my 'regular' dreams in such detail, so i had to write it down. hope it wasn't too long for you all. what do you 'spose it means?

happy 200th post to me! it took almost exactly one year... but i wasn't really posting last summer... have a good weekend!