on leaving

last night as i was looking at my semi-packed bags it hit me. all of a sudden i realized that i am going to the other side of the world, to the completely unknown, and for the first time i was really scared. the feeling (mortification might be a good word for it) quickly passed as i realized that in the next year i would have experiences and stories to tell that no one else i know will ever have.
i know this adventure is a great thing - that's what everyone keeps saying... and i'm coming close to believing it myself, but i can't help but wonder where my life would be headed right now if i weren't doing this. all of the things that i'm leaving behind - friends, family, job, apartment, security, safety, comfort - will stay here, and i can always come back to them, but every choice we make in life takes us down one path instead of another. am i walking down the right road? the only way to know is to keep going, i figure i can always turn back, right? but going back is never really an option. things never stay the same. the imaginary world that you leave behind is never as fantastic when you return as it was in your head while away. everything is always so glossy right before you leave. everything is shiny and perfect and you wonder why you decided to leave in the first place, even if you know it's the right decision - a decision made with perfect clarity and thought when you were still "in" your life. i know why i'm leaving, and i know that if i stayed i would be miserable no matter what my heart and mind are telling me right now (less than 24 hours before i leave). all of the "see ya laters" make you think, but i can't let anything stop me from doing this. i know that i will hate a lot of it, but i know that i will love a lot of it... and what's the worst that could happen? i get a new appreciation for my life here and come back... the best? well, who knows, i think i'll just walk down this path for a while and see where it takes me.