Strut your stuff...

I went for a nice walk today down Sherbrooke Street to the Westmount Library and back. It made me think about a column i wrote last semester about sidewalk etiquette. So, here it is:


Montrealers are the worst drivers. It’s hardly a fact, but everyone knows it’s true. There’s no denying that we all see cars running reds, cutting people off, or triple parking downtown. But if you think that almost getting hit by a dozen cars on a Sunday stroll is bad, try taking that stroll down a crowded Montreal sidewalk. Now that I think about it, please don’t because then you’ll probably get in my way, and you never know when you might meet a member of the ‘sidewalk patrol’. No, it isn’t the Quebec Governments’ newest department; it’s a figment of my imagination (and oh, how I wish it were real). And, no, I haven’t lost my mind; I just think that it’s high time that Montrealers acquired at least some sidewalk etiquette.

Bumping into people walking on the sidewalk by accident is normal, isn’t it? It happens all the time, at least to me. But in Montreal, we (should and sometimes have to) take our walking seriously. Nobody is going anywhere slowly when it’s February and it’s minus forty, and if you are, then this article is for you. It should be illegal to just meander down Ste. Catherine Street in downtown Montreal; instead, you should look at the sidewalk as a sort of obstacle course. Which if you are lucky enough to pass, you will hopefully end up in the correct destination.

The first ‘rule’ (or if I were dictator of the world, ‘law’) of sidewalk etiquette is to stay on the right side. Since this works on actual roads (with cars) we need to remember that sidewalks are roads for people. If everybody stayed in the right ‘lane’ then you wouldn’t be constantly trying to get around people who are walking towards you. Of course, passing is allowed, but the maneuver needs to be performed exactly like when it’s done in a car. Make sure there is enough time to pass and check that no one is trying to pass you. This also means that groups of people walking together need to adjust their width accordingly. A group of people taking up the entire sidewalk and forcing you to squeeze by should receive a hefty fine. The government could use the money earned to make the sidewalks bigger, possibly paint lines on them, and to enforce the new ‘laws’.

The second rule is to follow the speed of the flow of traffic. Perhaps money earned from ‘slow tickets’ could pay for signs posting the minimum steps per minute. If people were unable to keep up with the flow of traffic, they would have to stay as far to the right as possible. The outer lane, or ‘street lane’ would be for walking fast, no window-shopping from the left lane at all, (imagine all the money the government could make!) while the inner lane, or ‘store lane’ would be for the slow, window shopping, bag carrying, get in your way sort of people. The middle lane is used for passing and turning.

The third rule is to always indicate in some way before stopping in your tracks, turning around, and bumping into the person walking behind you. How many romance movies have broken this rule? I certainly don’t want to meet some stranger because he smashed into me from not having looked where he was going, or vice versa. It doesn’t mean that we are meant to be together; it means that one of us is a klutz.

And it’ll probably be me.